Denise Glowacki

I was reading facebook last night and saw a post by my brother where, amongst other things, he indicated that his mother, my stepmother, had past. This wasn't too much of a shock for me as my father had called the day before and had been very sad. He said that she wasn't doing well and doctors gave her 2-3 days to live. I was a bit shocked, but I guessed she had cancer. She'd been a smoker for as long as I knew her and had lived with my father who also smoked. Still, she was gone and I hadn't really prepared myself.

Now, I don't remember my parents ever being married. Dad and Denise, as I called her, were married when I was little. I don't remember, though they claim I was to be a ring bearer, at least until I chickened out. She spent 30+ years with my father, far more time that my mother ever had yet I feel I resented her for most of the time. I don't actively remember resentful thoughts, but I know acted like everything she did for me was wrong

I recall fabricating excuses to try and get my mother and father together at the same place so they might realize they were supposed to get back together. Having now been through my own divorce, I realize that just wasn't going to happen and my 10 year old mind was perfectly normal. I hadn't accepted it, the divorce that is, even though I couldn't remember them ever being together.

Every summer, I spent a month or so with Dad and Denise and their son, Moose, and Denise's kids from a previous marriage, Scott and Michelle. Several times I had to be sent home early because I was homesick. Really, it was probably just mostly stress from being on my own as an only child of a working, socially active, mother being forced into a home with two parents and three other kids.

I know now that Denise really tried to make things work and that she went out of her way while I was there to please me. Instead of taking advantage of it, I fought back at every opportunity. No I can't possibly eat a PB&J cut into triangles instead of rectangles. I didn't know it until last summer, but she and Dad were fighting for custody of me. I've since wondered how my life would have been different if they'd succeeded. Even as an adult, it never occurred to me that they wanted me to be there more than that one month a year. I managed to mess that up too as I got older. Once I was 16 I got a job over the summer and stopped going to Dad's house. I didn't even realize what I'd done until last year. I didn't realize the pain I caused him by taking away his one chance a year to see his son. I'm sorry Dad.

Around that time, as a teenager, I finally noticed that all the birthday and Christmas checks that Dad sent me were in Denise's handwriting. Those checks and cards and such continued through my adult life, always written by her hand. This is especially meaningful to me now, when my own kids have been taken from me. I know dad struggled to provide for the family and that the child support he was forced to pay Mom far exceeded what he paid each month for his other three kids. And still Denise sent some of the little money they had in the lean times.

For years I had referred to her as my wicked step-mother. I always dreaded visiting because she would be there. She would take an interest in my life and ask me questions and show genuine concern for me and I didn't like it. I wanted to see Dad and be left alone, or so I thought. I admit that her smoking also bothered me, particularly after I became an adult and no longer used to smoke. Still, she didn't deserve the title. She loved me and loved her own kids. I remember her picking through Moose's poop to find the little pink Barbie hairdryer that he'd swallowed and then washing it off and giving it back to Michelle. I'm not sure I'd do that for my own daughter.

Last summer, after settling the terms of my own divorce I went to Florida with my fiance. We took a day away from her kids and her parents and drove across the state to visit Dad and Denise and Moose and his kids and Uncle Eddie and Chris. Denise and I had quite a talk that day and I came to realize what I jerk I'd been to her for all those years. How I'd hated her and resented her for no reason. Sure, I was only a kid for part of it, but I never really gave her much of a chance. Here I was finally making friends with the woman. Making peace with her. Finally realizing that she was more of a partner to my father than my mother had been. Realizing that she had been the centerpiece of the home, decorating, clean, maintaining, sure, but welcoming, greeting, and caring for her guests as well. Apologizing for being the little shit she knew I'd been but loved anyway.

I didn't know that would be our last conversation. I know now you weren't wicked in the sense of the wicked witch, but wicked in the Boston sense. Wicked Good. Goodbye Denise, I'm sorry your journey ended just as I was finally starting to learn who you really were. I'll miss you.
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    sad sad


Well, the divorce went final back at the end of December. C'est fini.

Single again... er, well divorced anyway. Working at ObjectVideo in Reston VA now. Left Raytheon back in August... er, well, July. End of July.


For those of you I have not yet told... my marriage has ended. To be honest, it has really been over for a couple years and we've just been coasting and not putting effort into it. When I left to go to Norfolk in March we were both excited to have me leave. That wasn't a good sign. So, after a month I returned home and we talked it out and decided to move towards a divorce.

Monday we sign all the paperwork with the lawyers for an uncontested divorce where we agreed to all the terms ourselves and just need the courts to sign off on it. That might not be until December with the backlog and it won't be until 90 days after that when the divorce is final. So, it might be a full year from when I originally left until we are finally divorced.
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    determined determined
Raytheon, Work


I got deployed down to Norfolk Naval Shipyard back on Ides of March. I've felt like a fish out of water but am starting to get the hang of it.
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    tired tired


I had 4 days I had to take off at work. Policy stated that I had to take it right away(week #1). I opted to do that. The task manager asked me to delay some of it to week #2 as we had a milestone at the end of week #2. I didn't understand that he was serious. He was asking me to violate company policy and it was a ridiculous request anyway. What did it matter if I took the days first or in the following week? Regardless, it meant 6 working days until the deadline and 4 days off.

Apparently he was serious and mad that I didn't do it and worried we would miss the deadline as a result of my not doing what he wanted. I did make the deadline, finished a day ahead of schedule and took the days off according to policy and when I wanted them. Well, my line manager found out and chewed me out today and now I've got to email them, with a couple days notice, before I take off any more time. WTF? Do managers not understand basic math? 5-4+5 = 6 and so does 5-2+5-2. Better yet my way kept me off the list of people abusing the time off policy which goes weekly to upper management.
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    annoyed annoyed
Raytheon, Work


Friday at last. Hopefully tomorrow's schedule at work will have us out of there by noon. The last couple days here(Ingleside TX) haven't been too bad. The humidity lifted after some storms blew through and the winds started blowing from the north west blowing the moist air back out to sea.

My feet have really been killing me. The boots don't have a lot of padding and most of the work I've been doing involved being on my feet. Its also really dusty and dirty so I really need a shower before bed. I've been staying at the Comfort Inn, which has great amenities, but the bed is horribly hard and I haven't slept good yet. Really looking forward to getting into my own bed.
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    anxious anxious